there is no “appropriate” way to grievelight things on fireor don’t – Whitney Hanson

…played by the madman, for the sadman.

The hardest part of this was losing you, obviously. The second hardest part was losing everyone else. There’s been a few exceptions. My sister, and a very, very small hand full of friends. But everyone else just disappeared. Those who were “our” friends. And the worst part of that is, I don’t know why, and my…

I don’t know if you exist. I don’t know if I am ready for you to exist. What I do know, is that you will be unlikely. You will know that my heart wasn’t broken, but that it was split. That a piece of it is now missing. That it’s busy healing, but incomplete. And…

Yes, I’m well aware that the majority of these written pieces are broken and incoherent. There’s a saying in Afrikaans, “waarvan die hart vol is, rol uit by die mond”

After the first time, I thought it was a one-time thing. You were just being over dramatic. Seeking the attention which I should have given you. After the second time, I knew this was serious. That it will happen again, and I might not get to you in time. That I’ll need to watch you…

I used to think there was no such place as “hell”. I was wrong. This is it; a perpetual and acute awareness of you not being here anymore.

These were the last “messages” between Zinia and me.  I was working late, struggling to get the website for our new side hustle up and running, and she was watching TV, relaxing with the doggos. In between lapses of concentration, we’d send each other funny videos. When I had given up on work for the…

Words written by Iain S. Thomas (I Wrote This for You: 2007-2017)

… but that becons the question: “Why keep going?”. There is nothing left here. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing to aspire toward. All hope is lost. All dreams, shattered. Nothingness. Why should you be for the sake of being? Then you realise, you can’t escape. You can’t stop the pain. The pain doesn’t end…